Finding one's inner moustache

Moustache Man: Even the real can submit to the misbehaviors of the absurd. Is this reality, or is this a moustache?

A lesson in Moustaches

One must keep it organized, well balanced and with an air of earnest sincerity. Only then can Moustache Man truly became a master of the Moustache.

Moustache Man: You don't need to have read The Complete Works of Saki, nor do you have to own three pairs of spats to really enjoy the inner-workings of the moustache. One merely has to submerge themselves beneath that hairy cloak of false pretensions, and know that Monday is the perfect day for 'The Hollywood!'

Moustache Man: One's sexuality is dramatically increased by the hairy presence of a moustache. One can take to the bedroom, not once, nor thrice, but nearly half a dozen times in a single day when sporting a neatly groomed moustache.

Moustache Man: Like my Father, and my Grandfather before him, the Moustache was and still is a remarkable way of denouncing Scientology altogether. Only the best and worst have the ability to champion the hairy muscle of a 'real' moustache.